Bindingarts’s Blog

August 30, 2009

How Do You Keep Going?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Debra Fink Bachelder @ 7:43 pm

End of summer and I haven’t written in ages or painted for that matter either.  We’re packing to move and I don’t want to go unless it’s back to NY and that ain’t happening. My husband took a new job and closed a private practice, got screwed in the sale (I refuse to say I told you so because I really think, deep down, he knows) has me running boring errands and taking care of the practice as it winds down totally screwing up my days and  and in the midst of it all my big brother who is still in NY with the rest of my family,was diagnosed with stage III metastatic cancer of the tongue. Very bizarre considering he never smoked or drank or chewed tobacco. So I call my friend for some names and info because she’s well connected as is most everyone I know back east and she provides tons of valuable information and then tells me Oh, by the way, I’m stage IV breast cancer againafter 17 years. So I get thrown into a depression (I know how dare I since I am well) can barely get anything done don’t want to do anything except be home (NY) with my brother and friends or in my studio making stuff instead of packing it up and just start hating the world. I already hate Ohio.  No one here reaches out to anyone. My friends back east email and call as do my friends who were originally from the east but native fuckin’ buckeyes? Nope.  Anyway…so I’m refusing to get out of bed one morning (I allow myself to watch an old movie on Sunday mornings especially if it was a crappy night like when my husband snores particularly loud, the cat is restless and I’m having hot flashes in waves) and while channel surfing some preacher (I’ve been an atheist for a long time) says it’s not what you are going through, focus on what you are going to. Perfect for me but not for my brother, Bob, and dear friend, Robin although she’s at peace with it because she’s been battling a long time.  Bobby: it’s still raw and he’s in shock. Treatment will be very aggressive and I will be going home one week a month until he’s feeling better. 

The point of this? I’m out of my funk (depression). For me, what I am going to will be so much better than what I have materialistically and socially and I will be an hour and a half closer to NY and closer to TWO airports.  I just don’t know what my brother is going to so I can help him focus on it except we’re (the family) going to get him a calender with stickers to mark off his treatments so he’ll see an end to the hell.  A few months for the rest of his life? I just hope he’s destined for a long one.

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